i can't believe the way you took me down

ha

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 16:14:38 GMT

Vinney says the guy from timbaland called his moms phone from new york your last night but he wasnt around, he hoped so bad it was good news he even prayed. he told god he would never touch himself innapropietly again. And failed this morning.

I knew it.

The boy

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:46:40 GMT

I think me and vinney may just be too much alike to be together.

#1: were both insecure. we both think eachother have different people on the side. maybe we both do?
example:
---: go paint
---: go turn the radio on and mute cartoonson tv
---: draw a maze
Alysia4848: but im in the middle of several conversations, including this one at the moment
---: psh
---: me and your other guy...
---: dwayne
Alysia4848: yup
---: ..
Alysia4848: you know him?
---: funny
---: i think
---: i
---: will do something dangerous
---: today
Alysia4848: why
---: life threatening
---: because
---: thats probably what i would do if i were bored
---: i am going to rob bank
Alysia4848: well, id talk to dwayne
Alysia4848: if i were bored
---: and chris
Alysia4848: and nick
---: and rico
---: and steven
Alysia4848: and steven
Alysia4848: good idea
---: hm
---: maybe i'll just leave
---: flee
---: my id came and i think i wanna go
---: out west
---: just go
Alysia4848: and leave me....here?
---: dont worry, you'll still have dwayne
Alysia4848: oh yeah
---: well
Alysia4848: shut up
---: why shut up
Alysia4848: about dwayne
Alysia4848: i dont know a single person named dwayne
---: oh but everyone else
---: you got everyone else then
---: u dont need me
Alysia4848: theres no rico eihter
Alysia4848: see, i do need you
---: what about nick steve and whoever
---: chris
Alysia4848: ...i do know people named nick and steven and chris
Alysia4848: but what does that mean
Alysia4848: nothing
---: ...
Alysia4848: why are you trying to start an argument
Alysia4848: how about ashy
---: psh
---: give me a break
---: if there were anyone else in my life right now
---: ....she
---: -HAahaha i cant even finish
---: that sentence
---: jesus
Alysia4848: she what
---: she would be nowhere
---: in my mind
---: frame
---: shes the farthest thing from
---: my ....fuckin
---: wants
Alysia4848: and if you had nobody, she would be in your mind frame?
---: yeah right
---: fuck that stupid whore
---: i despise the shit out of her
Alysia4848: uh huh
---: everytime she says "i love you' on my voicemail
---: i want to gag
---: i think to myself
---: what the fuck is wrong with this bitch
---: - i have never once said anything to her that would....
---: imply
---: that i care
---: she is a psychotic
---: bsessive
---: deranged
---: junkie
---: emo
---: skitzo
---: demon
---: fiend
---: ghoul
---: so please dont attribute her to me
---: there is nothing...
---: there
---: no link
---: i saved her number so i know to only ignore that one
---: nothing less i promise
---: sweetheart' believe me
---: anyhows
---: who wants ice cream!?
---: or not
Alysia4848: nah
---: nvm i'll let you finish up with rico

Another thing...since when is he 'my man', because i just assume thats what he was implying by saying that rico was my 'other man'

And he bitched about me going into the GAS STATION the other day. the gas station i ALWAYS go to to get cigarettes, so what that eddy and louie both love me and flirt with me. he says oh gotta stop and flirt with your man some more on the way. that was the first time i flipped out on him im like "NO ACTUALLY I NEED GAS DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO TO THE OTHER FUCKING GAS STATION JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT EDDY FLIRTING WITH ME?" jesus fucking christ

and its NOT...I repeat NOT my fault that he found all the other phone numbers. I've never called him my boyfriend or implied we were dating...we both intruduce eachother as friends, how was I supposed to know thats not all we were. He wouldnt have hurt himself if he didnt go snooping.

I left, and came home and my room was cleaned. and i know he went through everything. i know he found wes' number, he left it on the dresser for me.

hes jealous enough to go through my shit?

oh well who am i to talk im jsut as bad in jealous enough i check his voicemails before him and he doesnt even know i know his password.

I hate how we're treating eachother right now. And he is getting alittle more serious and i dont know if im ready for all that....Alysia doesnt do boyfriends, why should i, i dont Need one, what good would it do?

I also have started to get homesick. Ive never felt like that before, i could be gone all the time and i dont care, but lately...at night, i just wanna be at home sleeping in my own bed. and it sucks.

we stayed the weekend and his grandparents last weekend cuz they're on vacation...and yeah, it should have been fun, but it just wasnt that great to me, i seriously felt like i was fucking married or something. stuck. I made dinner, we went to bed ..blah blah blah, we wake up, i made breakfast, we took a shower, we watched some movies, did some running around, we laid around.....and all that, we went back to bed. I was with him 24 hours a day, i didnt even shower alone! i mean fuck, sometimes i just need a minute to myself you know. i dunno i cannot control my need to babble and babble so i'll stop now, hes gonna be here soon anyways and i need to do the dishes and take a shower

i miss everyone, ive lost contact with everyone im depressed. im lonely. im frustrated.

today

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:50:21 GMT

I have a doctors appointment at 6:30 and im fucking nervous.

I've never had to take both my parents with me to the doctor
and my parents are already treating me sympathetic. i went out the last two nights in a row and my dad didnt say anything. Not even that i had to come home or what time or where i was going. nothing.

the boy says that after the doctors and shit today hes comming over and bringing me ice cream and board games because he says it would cheer me up. I guess I wont tell him i really dont like board games much.
he says were gonna have a picnic tonight in the dark.

I hope everything goes good at the doctors so i'm not all depressing all night with him

boys

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:44:35 GMT

Alysia4848 (4:19:48 PM): well
V (4:20:01 PM): well what
V (4:20:08 PM): come see me
V (4:20:15 PM): wheres my butterfly kisses
Alysia4848 (4:20:16 PM): it soo far
V (4:20:21 PM): well
V (4:20:25 PM): i'll come see you then

...how can you argue with that?
When he says sweet things, I miss him. But instead of giving him the 'butterfly kisses' he wants and spending time with him, I'm going to hang out with mike.
I'm a bad person. i like him, i just cant hang out with him every day, i dont allow myself to get that attached. I feer attachment and commitment and relationships.

I wanna go to his house for the night, but i cant.

But Mike's a little sweetheart to and im going to rescue him.

Hearing my sister say "shes got cancer" really makes it hit heard. I myself have not used those words yet. i use the exact wording 'HIGH RISK cancerous cells' instead of letting it sink in as a big deal i'm going to just allow myself to think, just because i have cancerous cells, doesnt mean i have cancer. they just want to get in there and remove them before it spreads any farther.

Cancer is a dirrty dirty word.

The exotic alysia! lol

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:13:08 GMT

!@#: hello miss
!@#: g'day
Alysia4848: whats up
!@#: eh
!@#: feelin quite effed up
!@#: why
!@#: went swimming with my russian friend yesterday
Alysia4848: cool
!@#: trying to show off with my diving skills
!@#: fucking hit the bottom of the pool i went so deep
!@#: cut myself to shit
!@#: looks like i got beat the fuck up
!@#: and this bite on my collarbone doesnt help
Alysia4848: lol
!@#: ;-)
Alysia4848: that sucks
Alysia4848: i dunno what thats from..
Alysia4848: what bit you??
!@#: i have no clue
!@#: a wild
!@#: something
!@#: new species
Alysia4848: a new species?
!@#: yes
Alysia4848: I see.
!@#: an exotic alysia
Alysia4848: lol
!@#: how r u feeling?
!@#: top of the day
Alysia4848: lazy
Alysia4848: tired
!@#: eh
!@#: i was feeling that way
!@#: til i got the news
Alysia4848: what
!@#: this jamaican friend of mine disappeared two months ago and i was worried about him
!@#: then he just called me last night
!@#: he's rich now and hes funding my album
!@#: so im
!@#: gonna go to the studio tonite
!@#: and lay down
!@#: a fuckin
!@#: banger....

hahahaahah

THen ashley messaged him on myspace yesterday

oh he told the bitch whats up
she sends him this message with her phone number in it

and he said "dont come at me with this bulllllshit. comb yo beard, i dont wanna hear that shit"

but he wouldnt let me have her link so i can fuck her up
damnit.

in a better mood

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 00:04:17 GMT

So my car doesnt have a cd player and ive been bitching about it for a long time right.....

well today he brought me one of those things that hook up a portable cd player to your tape player, now i can listen to cds.

Not only that but he brought me a digital camera and a portable dvd player

and we had a good night *wink wink*
am I spoiled or what

how was i even mad earliar?
i dunno cuz im a bitch
well i know...because there was a gun in my room, but fuck all that i forgive him : )

i'm not gonna ruin my good mood by thinking of how he got these things
too bad if he's alittle shady

and alittle cheezy too, but its cute.

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 12:00:43 GMT

I don't like guns.

They're for murderers, and people way more fucked up in the head then even me.
~~Why would he have the nerve to bring one into my house?~~

Alysia the fuckup

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 21:27:40 GMT

So its summer, and its all about having fun. So why is it that i'm not having fun?

Yes there have been a few good drunk times already this summer but loooking back at them they dont even seem like good times [but i did have fun gettin drunk with cynthia of course]

ive just fucked up already

and the only thing i can think of to make me feel better, is go out and get fucked up, but then i'm back where i started.

I've hurt more then one person already and i feel like if i even apologize now it'll seem likes its too late. I shouldnt have waited so long, but by fighting this it's just waiting even longer

I feel very useless and depressed today.

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 22:20:12 GMT

So -- You Just Took Your First Hit of Acid...

The most important thing to remember is: you just took some acid. This might seem like an obvious point to you right now, but trust me .. in a few hours you will find yourself asking, "What did I do to my brain? Is my brain broken? Am I going to think this way for the rest of my life?" Always remember: You took some acid. You will be fine. In about twelve hours. Probably.

The second most important thing to remember is: You took the acid on purpose. No one made you take it. The Merry Pranksters didn't slip some in your Kool Aide at a love-in: no -- you meant to take it. You wanted to feel this way. All this confusion -- the disorientation, the hallucinations (if you're lucky, and scored some good shit) -- this is what you wanted. This is what you planned for the evening. Acid is a lot like a Haunted House at Halloween .. if you were just walking down the street and some dude in that mask from Scream jumped out at you with a knife .. you would NOT enjoy it. But if you paid for it, and you knew it was supposed to be happening, it's a good time.

Acid is just a haunted house that's inside your head. That lasts for twelve hours. That you bought from some dude who's a friend of a friend. Good, laugh-at-the-carpet-for-four-hours-acid can be a real treat. (If you scored something else -- speed cut with Robotussin and God knows what else .. less so. But try not to think about that right now. ) Either way .. you already took it and there's nothing you can do about it now. Get that through your head, too. Say it out loud: "I just took acid, and there's nothing I can do about it now." Sometimes that helps.

Other things to remember: Often, when you do acid for the first time, there's some dude there who says something like: "hey, don't worry about it man, I've done a lot of acid, and I'll be your Tour Guide." Or your "Flight Attendant." Whatever happens .. stay the fuck away from that dude. Sure, an experienced tripper is good to have around, but anybody offering that kind of help from the get-go is trouble. He's a sick, degenerate freak on a power trip, who'll take less acid than you just so he can get off on feeling superior, (which he never gets to do, unless surrounded by folks who are tripping their balls off.) The last thing you need is to have that smug little Charlie Manson wannabe around, telling you that "you're doing it wrong." Even if that not what he's saying, that's what he's thinking .. (and on acid, there is no difference.)

Lastly: have some orange juice in the fridge. When you're a few hours into the trip, someone might remember "hey, I heard drinking orange juice increases the visuals." ("Visuals" is an acid term: a harmless enough sounding label that can mean anything from the walls appearing to breath, to your best friend's skin sliding off his face. One time the guy on the album cover of The Cramps' "Bad Music for Bad People" climbed off the LP, took me into a limousine and talked to me about Hell. He said it wasn't that bad. That's what I mean by "visuals.") Anyway, someone will remember that rumor about orange juice, and then you'll all go pour and drink some orange juice. Whether the rumor is true or not, the important thing is: You all got your shit together enough to pour and drink some orange juice .. and at this stage, that'll feel like you've truly accomplished something. Something that was logistically as difficult as Operation Overlord on D-Day. And you pulled it off. You're fucking rocket scientists, and one day you'll be the ones people come to for answers and leadership.

Let's see.. what else. Avoid things that might stress or freak you out. Like people, clocks, mirrors, urinals, the Printed Word, money, junk food, healthy food, and especially THE MAN.

Oh, and I've known some folks who had a pretty rough time dealing with their cutlery drawer.

The most important thing: Enjoy the ups and downs. Enjoying starting to freak out that the confusion won't stop or even lighten up enough for you to enjoy your trip. Then enjoy pulling your shit together, and being filled with pride that you made it though the roughest patch of your young adult life. Then enjoy the fact that you didn't really "make it through" anything .. you've just been sitting on the couch in silence for five minutes, and you still have 10 hours of this shit to go. Remember -- it's only the acid; you'll be just fine.

Oh .. and don't try to cook anything in the oven. Bad idea .. you'll forget it's in there. Order Dominoes. You won't be able to eat it, but at least the delivery boy will be a horrible Night-of-the-Living Dead looking nightmare, with acne so bad it's sliding into the pizza, and an accent that's so thick, you can't understand a fucking word he says .. you can only give him your cash and lock the door in terror and confusion.

And that's always fun.

shitty

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 23:00:07 GMT

shiiiiiiiiiiiiitty shitty shitty shitty shitty. Partied all weekend friday in detroit....saturday in capac....sunday in imlay city. It was good times while it lasted....if i only knew about all the shit that would go around. alysia's a giant slut who goes out and does coke with people all weekend and leave with random guys from the bar. something ive never even fucking done but what the fuck ever. high school rumors are one thing but rumors being spread through the family is just fucking bullshit.

Whatever there was some truth which turned to be spread into a big fucking lie. oh well fuck them . fuck them all. fuck wes, fuck boys, fuck the world...

Who needs boys when you've got a best friend like Laura and free pot for the last week. FUCKEM ALL

lalala

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 20:57:57 GMT

last night....me and vinney went out again. Went to Christinas and drank there, headed out about 3:30 am by the time we got to my house my dad left for work thank god so then we slept at my house. It was a grand time, let me tell ya.

Today's better then yesterday

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 14:42:07 GMT

So I went to school yesterday....I got a bunch of hugs and 'welcome back's..........and it was awesome cuz everyone missed me. Yet here I am... I didnt go to school today. Instead I'm sitting on my ass writing this, listening to sublime and cutting my own hair.

But, im not really sad anymore today, davy got on and read my message shortly after i wrote that!! he didnt have much to say just "thank you hun, you're so sweet my love" but thats all that needed to be said cuz he just made my week! :)!!!!

Well not only that, i got alot of sweet messages last night. I posted a bulletin about it being a sad day and was reassured by everyone that i was loved, so i feel pretty fuckin loved! Wes sent me one to : "ok i'm sooo pissed at you... just kidding , but you know you can call me when you need to talk so why didn't you... you know i care"

I hate calling people when i'm depressed, thats why.

Alysia loves laura

man

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 02:43:18 GMT

I'm sad right now... I haven't been really sad in a very very long time. Which is weird, i was never a very happy person, but i can honestly say, i really have not felt depressed/sad in MONTHS or cried in even long.

I'm sad because things just dont seem that great today, and everyone else is depressed.

Laura, I love you and i know it sucks losing things that have been there with you forever.

Saturday I really opened up to Davy, not my cousin davy but the singer for detroit power source. I forgot to mention hanging out with him in my other post. Anyways, I told him he was seriously my hero and a bunch of other shit. Pretty much i got all sentimental and told him there was nobody like him, blah blah blah. So to hear him say today that everyone in the world stabs him in the back, and so if we dont ever see him again we know why.......that throughly depressed me.

I've come to realize every time someone has told me they were going to kill themselves, they never did...but still its just human to be really worried about someone you care about I guess. I sent him a really long and sweet message and i just want him to get online and read it before he does anything stupid. I so sad now....

MY weekend

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 21:10:40 GMT

So saturday was motor city metal fest.. laura didnt go, which sucks but, i had tons of fun. Me and Wes went together...but I think we were having some problems that night. actually one problem really...I wanted to hang out with other people and not him when we got there. This is how he described the night to someone else "so I went to metal fest with lysia and we get there, watch the first band or two, then she goes MIA for like an hour and comes back totally trashed" hahahhahaha....oops. sorry you bored me, so i went and got drunk.

Well it started off dan came up gave me a hug and handed me a long island...ok those have like 5 different kinds of liquor in it ...it was kinda gross but i drank it.. then...tony went and got me another one.....then i did a couple shots...and bought one of my own drinks. The whole time id been there I was looking for a friend of mine i havent seen in forever....so then i get drunk...fall on my ass, this guy picks my drunk ass up and helps me out of the crowd, then i look over and it was him(the guy I was looking for)!!! so then somehow we end up standing next to wes again and im so excited to see my freind joe that im like...attacking him with hugs and kisses(on the cheek and stuff, come on) so anyways i dont think wes was quite as excited as me..... lol.

Then i fell on my ass more times then anyone should ever.. Then walked around wiht joe for a long time before i remembered about wes and by the time i rememberd about him he'd found me. So then i spilled his beer on him (5 or 6 times.....) and he starts getting sick of me i think. I said "Sorry i think i spilled a couple of your drinks" and he said "no you spilled EVERY ONE of my drinks, some of them a couple times"

A bunch of fun shit happend...i was the only girl in the mosh pit, the pit was going crazy and i was drunk and my friend was puking....then timmy d grabbed me, pulled me out, took me to wes and told him to keep an eye on me! how embarassing. So i leave wes and go mosh some more, only to be picked up off the floor and pulled out ONCE again. then i was like fuck it. and wes said he was ready to go...so we left

Took Paul with us since michael was drunk and wes wasnt. So we go to white castle...then i lean with my head out the window for a little bit...................LOL JUST TO BE SURE. but no i didnt puke.

So we go to michaels to drop off Paul and we had to wait there for a 'minute' wes said. which didnt work cuz the SECOND i sat down my drunk ass passed out. sitting up, with my coat and shoes on. lol then i guess michael and julie came home, and wes decided he wasnt taking me home with him after all.....and left me there. I woke up confused as fuck i couldnt remember what happend but my car wasnt there cuz it was in dryden, where wes lives. So i call him and hes sleeping so hes being a assfucker..

blah anyways i made it to my car and i gotta get off this shit cuz hes gonna be callin me from work if hes not pissed at me anyways

afagfa

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 00:35:28 GMT

didn't think i'd ever say this again.....but.....I spent the day with vinney. uh huh

life

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 23:14:57 GMT

Life is good, ya know...i dont think i've had this many good days in a row before...

Today was pretty good, i was a little spazzy I guess. Scared the english teacher, haha she sent a couple of my friends to 'help me out' lol wtf! it was a happy spaz not a real one! but yes the whole class stares at me when I'm happy. It's like this new concept :alysia happy? alysia hyper? fucking druggie. Well drugs indeed, but i think even if i wouldnt have taken anything...today still woulda been a good day.
Came home, put on pjs, ate waffles then wes called me from work
couldnt have gone any better
now I'm going to go read a book.
I feel like a good person today.
YAY
finished my resume and all that shit for graphics.
whoo.
did my english group project....by myself because i dont like the rest of my group fucking it up, and they didnt have a problem with it. so yay once again. I must do math though, that is for sure. Mr B is dissapointed in me :( and he normally loves me.

OH goverment exam i got a D+ on....that is horrible!!! horrible!!! thats the only exam i cheated on....and i got a D+!!! son of a bitch!!!!

Got a D in english for the quarter too....ugh.

But grades go in one ear and out the other, so whatever im passing..i just cant believe i got a D!!!!! BAHHH!!!!

but life is just grand

ilikemesomepills

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:41:32 GMT

So I only had 2 final exam semester, but today was supposed to be our 1st hour exam. we didnt have one for that class, but instead had a group project that would count as our exam grade. it was funny. It's quite hard to concentrate on making up laws when you take some prozac and a couple vicodin before school lol. this is how my laws went. Birthcontrol :birthcontrol for everyone!! sex is good. but we dont have a bunch of poor people who cant afford them or crackheads with babies. Drug enforcement: none. DRUGS FOR EVERYONE! Drug crimes: shall be reduced, if you're getting violent, you're definately on the wrong/ or not enough drugs. And others i dont remember.
Oh she's gonna get a kick out of it i'm sure. actualy probably not shes gonna be pissed but it was fun times.

oh yeah and wes never had his phone off, i forgot he told me he was going to his friends house...and he didnt have service there. But one good thing came out of it, i realized if theres something buggin me i might as well just ask him, no big deal!

blah

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 13:46:40 GMT

Well I went out last night.....we went out drinkin, then I decided i needed sleep so I found my way to michaels house and passed out on their couch...they come home and julies like "ALYSIA!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" and i jump up still half drunk im like "uh sorry guys i needed to sleep on your couch...even tho you werent home" lol so julies like "get up we're going to my freinds hosue to drink" ............so we started again.

Then I call wes because he was supposed to go to the bar with his friend at 10, it was her bday and he said he wasnt gonna stay long, but i guess plans changed. I called at 12:30 and he said he'd call me back in a little bit cuz he was still there, then at 1:30 he called and i couldnt understand him at all.... So like an hour later I tried to call him back...but he turned his phone off...

OK, a sign you're getting alittle attached. He turns his phone off for a couple hours (after 2 am so good posibility it could have been just to sleep) and you start flippin out. Cuz he NEVER turns his phone off at night, i call him and wake him up all the time. The only time he turns off his phone is when i stay the night. So this brings on the drunken thoughts of "what the fuck, hes got a girl over sleepin with him, thats why he turned of his phone, what a bastard" and im kinda getting pissed you know. Which I should NOT be...because i'm not a jealous person, I guess I just like him too much. I shouldn't be pissed at all cuz we're not even using the bf gf labels and I never told him he couldnt have other girls over. Besides that i have no fucking room to talk at all...I stayed the night at Brads house thursday and told im i was going out wiht some friends.

So I guess the only thing i can be some-what mad about is that I know he was drinking and he told me he wasn't going to. But that part I dont really care about, since i do that all the time. I just wish I could have been there to know what was going on.

I know, Im being a selfish selfish person right now. I should be grateful for the fact we talk for like 10 out of 24 hours a day and he pretty much checks in with me every hour or two. But no, it just seems to make it worse when I can't get ahold of him.

I'm not even happy with myself for being mad. Hopefully he doenst sense any of it cuz that's just not how I wanna home off...as a jealous bitch. ...blah today sucks already its not even 9am i didnt stop drinking till 2 i should go sleep but i cant i got shit to do today.

Happy Birthday LAURA

been a long time

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 01:03:43 GMT

Yeah it's been forever since i wrote in here. life's been pretty good though, i really can't complain about anything right now. My christmas was aright, new years was AWESOME because I spent it with wes and it was a good time.
 
 

New Years
Wes and I went to see a couple bands i knew in Deckerville, but there wasnt too much going on so I did a few jello shots and we were on our way. After that we drove all the way to capac, and we were in SEPERATE cars when it hit 12 so that was sad but at 12:03 he pulled over and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek (yes, on the cheek, kids) and said happy new years. Then we went to Monica and derricks and drank alot of jager and bud light. I got real drunk and the room started spinning, lol then i was telling wes he HAD to do some shots with me and he was like no cuz hes a easy drunk, and he said only if i drive. which i guess I agreed too...HAHAHAHAHHAHAH so we do some more shots, well i do more shots he does 1 and drinks a few beers and hes drunk too. It starts POORING RAIN all the sudden so michael goes outside...and never comes back, lol apparently he passed out in the car. Then michael and julie decided they were going home, and i decided i wasnt driving all the way back to wes' house so we followed them home, less then a mile away but i dont really remember driving lol. We get there and drink some more until michael passes out at the kitchen table, and julie carries him to bed. hahah. Then me and wes i think we mighta watched a movie i dont remember, then i got a REAL kiss none of that cheek shit, lol. We had alot of fun that night...stayed up til 7 am and....well michael and julies floor will never be the same, LOL well either will their couch. So that was good times.
 
Went home the next day and had the family christmas (ON NEW YEARS DAY OF ALL THE DAYS OF THE YEAR) and puked ATLEAST 7 times while everyone was over. LOL.
 
Friday after that me and wes stayed at michaels again, this time he also got so drunk julie helped him to bed.......then he walked out with no pants on and it was funny as hell.
 
Last friday, wes' birthday we went to dinner and all that then to his friends house where i got extremely high and didnt talk to him for like an hour and i know he was getting kinda mad, but it wasnt cuz i didnt wanna talk i was just so high that...i didnt want to lol. it sucked then we went to his house, and we FINALLY stayed the night at his house. It was good times ; )
 
Saturday went to timmy ds (bar in capac) with my sister and these other two guys........and for once i was the only one to not puke, since i wasnt drinking. Yes thats right kiddies, alysia went to a bar, and did not drink, be proud. Ok so i got stoned out of my mind and got lost in capac with Mike (remember mike i used to like him ALOT) and THAT was good times too.
 
I know most of this entry so far has been about wes, but thats pretty much all thats been going on with me, I go to school, come home, wes calls me 3-4 times a day from work, then i go to sleep, wake up at 2 am talk to wes until 5 am go to sleep until 6:30, go to school, and do it all over. Then on saturdays, we go out, sunday i come home and sleep, maybe go to lunch sunday, and the week starts over. lol. but honestly hes the best thing thats happend to me in a while. I like him alot. Now I think it'll be a while before the L word is used...but i like him alot. We already have more inside jokes then anyone else i know. PLUS hes the nicest person EVER , trust me on that. He brings me stuff everytime he comes to see me, or else takes me to dinner. Tells me im his favorite person, that im the best person to talk to, etc etc but hes real sweet you get the point.

 
 
 
 

Other then that, my sister tried to hook me up with this guy jeremiah. he was aright, i got him into the bar lol even tho hes not 21 or a girl, its harder when your a guy. Didnt really like him too much tho, we got high a couple of times, and he got drunk and puked a million times, it was aright but i wasnt too interested, way too much baggage there he takes care of his brothers and sisters cus his moms in jail and all that shit......yeah good kid but im not gettin involved.
 
 
 
January 27th im so excited for!!!!!!!!!!!!! Metal fest at harpos, going with Wes and Rocky (his brother....hes hot....real hot.....but i dont like him) and maybe LAURA!!!!!!! she might meet us there or something we dont know yet, but i fucking hope so!!!!!! you better go with us!!!! Alysias getting wasted on the way there, wes is driving. Then alysias gonna be a dumb drunk fucker the whole time and wes is going to drive me home and im staying at his house its gonna be a good night!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE i know is going im so excited! lol.

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 01:17:31 GMT

more pictures.....please look at previous entry FIRST.

Behind the girl with the boobs, im being DRAGGED by gabby because i can no longer comprehend where im going.
omg I'm going to fall why is walking so hard.

wasted X3

We're both in our own little world, I however, am laughing at a wall.

BLAH. Concentrate on NOT puking, but i feel so good.

"I love you guys so much"LOL

I fell hardcore. To this day, me and Gabby cannot figure out WHERE THE FUCK WE WERE WHEN THAT PICTURE WAS TAKEN.(and I dont remember there being pizza)

Why is timmy d yelling at me? I dunno and i dont care, i think I kinda liked it.

We're about to have one big giant orgy...if i dont pass out first.

Before she was helping me stand up, now we've lost all hope and shes helping me SIT up.

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:30:19 GMT

The last few weekends, starting with 3 weekends ago.

October 20-22: went to the shop in Port Huron, Got BEYOND wasted, I was actually pretty drunk when we got there, I dont think ive ever been so fucked up in my life. Bunch of family there and shit and i couldnt even fucking WALK after the first half hour. I rolled down the stairs head first thought i broke all my bones, lol i was FUCKED up the next morning. Then went to mcdonalds with jess and started yellin at him when we got there "I CANT GO TO MCDONALDS WITH YOU, YOURE A SLUT, AND IM NOT ALLOWED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I CANT GO TO MCDONALDS WITH YOU" the whole way back i had my head out his backseat window, LOL. and i didnt even eat anything. THEN i guess i got in the car with some guy i didnt know, got halfway to dennys, then once again FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, WHY AM I IN YOUR CAR?? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME??? I HAVE A CAR!! WHY AM I IN YOURS!!" lmao still have no idea who he is, but turns out the people who had my car were meeting us at dennys and then i calmed down, held his hand and got a free meal out of it! haha im sucha bitch. Actually i didnt eat anything there cuz i knew id puke but i guess i spilled a few drinks, and made a couple scenes, called some people names and shit like that, oh well. spilled orange juice all over my pants, they were all makin fun of me for pissin my pants, and for a while i believed them and it was embarassing!!! Then we went back to the show i seen james(the lead singer from itc, fucking love them) and i fucking ATTACKED HIM!! hugged him then smashed him into a brick wall (im sooo sorry james) and talked alot of shit about tom, in which i recieved hate mail through myspace for the next day.

Anyways that one could go on FOREVER but im gonna stop, i dont even remember half of it.

October 27-29:Party in Dryden in which hi8us played. it was sweet, 21 and over of course but i got in, free jello shots and 4 kegs!!! i puked in their house!! haha which sucked. Well I go upstairs to piss, the bitch never comes out of the bathroom, so i go back to the basement, 2 joints, 5 bowls, 2 jello shots later, tried it agian, this other bitch wouldnt get out of the bathroom so i started puking everywhere. I have a million stories but i dont feel like writing them. it was fun as fuck but davy fucking left me at his parents house and was gone when i woke up, had to call my brother to pick me up...fuckin hung over and shit i was pissed.

Halloween:went out with gabby as usual, we went to Richmond tick or treating until she whiped out on the cement.

Nov. 2-5: Show at timmy ds bar, fernandos Xcursion, 2nd system (FUCKING LOVE THEM!! GOT A CD AND ALL IT COST ME WAS A HUG AND A KISS ON THE CHEEK CUZ IM LOVED), DE-TROIT POW-ER SOURCE!!! fucking love them too we got wasted together at dm3 fest. they were fuckin sweet!!, couple other bands that were good but i didnt really know the guys. I got written on ALL OVER MY FACE..and the bite marks on my arm circled and wrote "TIMMY DS BITE" i fucking love him. THEN we went to ROGERS HOUSE for the after party (well not really there was only 4 of us, one was some guy we found on his bed when we got there, and we went to get fucked up some more) then me and gabby were all fucked up and shes like LOOK its marilyn manson!! and im like "ROGER!! WHY THE FUCK IS MARILYN MANSON RIDING A HORSE IN YOUR ROOM??" LMAO! then we went to Mcdonalds to get NACHOS at fucking 3 am.....well they werent open, plus they dont sell nachos, who knew. Then I drunk dialed someone, let eddy wash my face for me and got drumped off at my sister. SORE AS FUCK STILL.

Gonna see if i can figure out how to put up some pics for lauren! hmm....

Almost drunk.

moshing with timmy d, either that or im about to rape him.

I'm kickin ass, why are there people staring at me from all directions? and the couch in the mosh pit, wiped out on it like 5 times, WTF!

IT got alittle crazy and i decided to back out of the pit, im too drunk.

I fall, WHIPEOUT on the right, gabby attempts to get me up(my ass is STUCK in one of those blue storage bins).

NOW i'm wasted.

omg whats going on, im gonna pass out, and my beer is behind me, i cannot reach it.

I am STILL standing, and still drinking
I hope all these work, im gonna put more on another entry.

Tom

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:28:32 GMT

So I thought it was pretty funny that the drummer of a band that I'm out supporting ever weekend has the nerve to be an asshole, but not only that, but to call me immature yet he always starts shit with me through myspace. Our most recent argument:

From: Kinetic Metal
Date: Aug 23, 2006 9:36 AM

Alysia,

Thanks for coming to our shows and showing so much love and support! I do, however, think you should really keep it on the down-low about you hanging out at Timmy D's so much. The place is 21 & over, and occasionally they make exceptions for 18 yr olds. But by broadcasting that you're hanging out there, you not only put yourself at an unneccessary risk, but also you put Timmy D's at risk. They have lost their liquor license before for having minors in there. You just gotta keep it quiet, and that also includes bragging to your friends, because word of mouth moves. Thanks for understanding, maybe I'm paranoid, but we depend on that place staying open, it sucked when it was closed for about 9 months. Just use common sense

Tom

From: ~Alysia~
Date: Aug 23, 2006 12:07 PM

Well thanks for your concern I guess, but as far as i'm concerned there's nobody reading that who would have such intentions. The people on my friends list are my friends, and I don't neccessarily think that I am bragging by telling about my weekend. No one yet has had any problems with me being there. Timmy d as well as his mom both know I am underage and she tells me it's fine I just better not drink in there. I respect that by doing just that.
And if you are worried about them being open, i do respect that, and I will take down that blog if that makes you happy....
But I think its more then concern, because honestly I get this feeling you don't want me there(correct me if im wrong) ,and that's fine. I think you seem alittle annoyed that i'm there, especially when I stayed outside after you told us to go back in, but I was alittle annoyed by the fact you kept trying to tell me to go in the bar that night too, because I dont think it was your place to tell me that, who the fuck are you? It is not illegal to be outside of a bar, especially if you're under 18 and you're worried about people being outside because the cops might come, it looks a hell of a lot better that I'm outside talking to people then inside hanging out in a bar. I guess I dont take to well with people trying to tell me what to do when they don't work there and aren't family or someone with concern about what's really going on. Some people don't have a problem with that, but I do. I might be the kid there, but I'm not yours so please just don't worry about it. And I'm sorry if that sounded alittle bitchy but i figured while we were giving our two cents, I'd add mine as well. So I'm sure you won't be to happy with that answer and I'm sure you'll hold one of those world famous tom grudges I'm always hearing about it, but so be it.
The bulletins and blogs are gone, hope that's good enough for you.

From: Kinetic Metal
Date: Aug 23, 2006

"tom grudges"?? see, now I just think you are trying to strike a nerve like you have in the past. First off, I don't really give a fuck who you are or how you feel about people telling you what to do, because in that situation last weekend, you and alot of other people had absolutely no business being outside, which is why I had to force people inside for the good of everyone. Do you honestly think we would have gotten that thing back without major problems if someone didn't flat out take charge?? btw, I didn't say take the blog down, but its pretty obvious you're taking extra effort to point out that you are not of age, but hanging out there anyways. Maybe its for reasons other than just trying to look cool, but you need to be careful. Are your blogs set to friends only? And thanks for being inclined to share your thoughts, but in cases like last weekend, you need to learn to do what the fuck you are told. If that guy comes back and starts a brawl, or worse, you're an innocent bystander that shouldn't have been there anyways. What if you would have got hurt? Who do you think would get sued? Oh, sorry, you don't think about shit like that, because you're still a kid. I wouldn't talk down to you if you were acting like an adult. Don't act like you know everything, when you don't. You can also loose the rebellious to everything attitude. I never said or incinuated I didn't want you at the shows, but you are being very stupid about it. Now, you can hate me for better reason other than trying to do what I felt was the best interest for everyone in that situation. And based on our personal experiences, I'm in a far better position to make that call than you.

Ok, the bolded part was the part that pretty much pissed me off....
But I know tom, we've gone through this shit before and if there's one thing i've learned about him is that he ALWAYS has to have the last word, and he HAS to be right. SO fuck it, I decide not to respond to this.

so Later in the day I post a bulletin about how i've had a shitty day.

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: ~Alysia~
Date: Aug 23, 2006 8:30 PM

So i had a pretty crappy day and I'm feeling pretty stressed out about some things that happend today, and to top it off my sister just hung up on me, I HATE when people hang up on me....ever get that feeling the worlds against you when you're having a really bad day

From: Kinetic Metal
Date: Aug 23, 2006 9:00 PM

well, I'm sure I didn't help that out. I apologize for coming off like a big meany. I'm sure its a small chance that something could have happened with the whole underage thing, but I'm just overly cautious like that sometimes. Ya just gotta keep things on the D.L. is all I was originally trying to say. I'm sure this was a small prt of a what sounds like a crappy day, but if it helps, I really am sorry.

I wouldn't be pist at your sister either. She's just one of those types that is only happy when she's pist off. kinda sounds like someone else you know, huh? My day has been extremely stressful as well and I'm nearly heart-broken about some of the events that did or did not take place today. so I guess it was just a shitty day all the way around for a few of us.

Tom

HOLY SHIT AN APOLOGY FROM TOM!! THATS NEVER HAPPEND!!! HES A CHANGED MAN!! so i decide to be nice and apologize also.

From: ~Alysia~

So I'm gonna admit I was kinda pissed about that...but an apology was unexpected and that makes me feel alot better about you. You're probably right about the whole keep it on a DL and I will from now on.
I was out to strick a nerve I suppose, but with the tom grudges thing, its just someone told me once, dont piss him off he holds long grudges.

I was thinking one of the reasons you probably said I didn't act like an adult, or I was immature was I was fighting with my sister that night. Probably seems like an immature thing to do, but you don't know her THAT well and it's hard not to do.
One thing about that whole conversation though...I honestly don't want to be the girl there that nobody wants there. The one that everyones like...oh shit its her again, so if you and other people DON'T like me there, I will stop comming. Believe it or not i'm not just there to be a pain in the ass. And no matter what I say when I'm mad I do care what you and other people think about me and about me being there. I'll try not to be such a pain in the ass, and listen next time.
But apologies mean alot to me. And you saying "heres another reason to hate me" you were probably right, that's probably what I was looking for. But I don't hate you, i just think something about you kinda rubbed me the wrong way at first...and then I haven't talked to you much and when i have, it's been like this. But yeah...sorry on my part too, it did start off as keep it on the DL and I turned it alittle more hostile. sorry, hope today's better for you.

I'm a nice person.

I'm glad that whole things over....jesus.

we all just wanna be a big rockstar

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 02:52:33 GMT

I'm through with standin in lines
to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the NINTH
and I'm never gonna win this
life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me

I need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Livin in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And I'll hang out in the coolest bars
with the VIP's with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free

I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Livin in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
Well I'll stay skinny 'cause I just won't eat
And I'll hang out in the coolest bars
with the VIP's and the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial well
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
then lipsynk 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
with the VIP's with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

_{isn't it really weird that of all the songs that could make a person cry...this would be it. I so just had memories of what Carlos always said...how fame isn't that great. To quote him "fuck man, I had it all....then I lost it all to live the life i thought i wanted. I had a wife and a kids...but i lost them to my music. I was on tour 9/12 months a year and my kids didnt have a dad and my wife didn't have a husband. But i had it all. I had the drugs the girls, fuck I felt like I was somebody. I had groupies, people giving me free drugs and free shit...I was doing lines of coke off of girls tits in every hotel room of every town just for fun. You just can't live like that forever...you can't have it all. I fucked up, and in the end i lost it all. My wife wants a divorce and I'm a fucking crackhead. my bands done with because you only last so long without selling out. My kids never had a dad and I can't just start being one all the sudden....but would i go back and change it? HELL NO. it was fun as FUCK. But it was FUCKED UP and it doesn't last man." michael starts crying "well what the FUCK am i doing it for man? why do i keep waking up and making music if you're telling me its not ever gonna be what i want?"

Charity got arrested today.

but we all just wanna be big rockstars.}

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 23:34:54 GMT

Damnit, forgot to take my birthcontrol yesterday. i was pissed, so i took it this morning, then took todays just now, idk if im supposed to do that or not? oh well

Other then that nothing is going on. Ew got sick today, it sucked. Charity realized today that she forgot my birthday. uh yeah. thanks for being a bitch.

happy birthday is over

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:33:34 GMT

I stayed the night at MOLE's house last night!! until 5 this morning........eww 5 in the morning. Then I came home and went to sleep. I'm sooooo fucking sunburned. I really wanna take pics but my cams not here and thats gay.

My birthday was pretty sweet. And even though I was pissed about Jesse and Crystal showing up and waking me up Saturday(at like 3 in the afternoon)...........it was SO worth it because my weekend would have BLOWN without them. I don't think ive ever looked so discusting in my life, I dont know how you guys were even nice to me. lol. Thanks for the cake guys, even if jesse had to break into my house to get it to me. haha how sweet, lol. Yeah then i sat in chicken shit. sick. We watched fireworks. But i think we( I ) were louder then the fireworks themselves.

man, this was gonna be long...but now i gotta go, ill finish later